Relationships can be very complicated, especially when it comes to a blended family. Developing a healthy relationship and keeping the environment of the house normal is not an easy task where one or both of you have children from previous relationships. The place feels like a madhouse as it is very tricky to keep everybody content. Many step-parents have a challenging relationship with their child. Communication is the key, and talking to your partner can make this transition easy as the child sees you as a replacement.
Things might work out like this, but mostly it is too much to handle for everybody in the family. The stepchild may not accept you, and they might end up hurting or causing damage to you or your children or your relationship with your spouse. Your mental health should always be your priority, and you should know when to bail out. Signs to quit the unhealthy household because of the stepchild are mentioned below. Trusting your instinct might be the best option after trying all the possibilities.
Stepchild Hurts Your Children
Your child’s well-being should always be your priority as a parent, and the best course of action shall be taken to keep them safe and protected. Children or siblings usually end up in fights or arguments, which is very typical. But bullying one of them repeatedly for no reason is intolerable. If you notice any of these signs or situations in your house, it is best to leave along with your child for the sake of their safety. This also harms the child’s mental state.
Stepchild Lies To Your Partner
Lying is one of the significant root causes of problems in any relationship. If you notice your stepchild lying to your partner about you or they put up an excellent show of innocence, it’s high time for you to step back. It is self-evident that the biological parent takes their child’s side after they fake some emotions and appear teary-eyed. It destroys the trust between you and your partner and makes it clear that things might not work out as you’ve planned.
Stepchild Is Manipulative
If you live with each other, it is very often that you’ll know the strengths and weaknesses of the other person. Your stepchild might push your buttons or manipulate you if they need something. They might make you feel guilty about replacing their biological parents or comparing you with them. It is tough to recognize the signs of manipulation in situations like these. They might accuse you of not loving them as you love your child and take permission for things their parents don’t allow. This problematic behavior is a sign to quit and take care of your concerns and mental well-being.
Stepchild Refuses To Accept You
Dealing with remarriage and going into new relationships can be a bumpy road that leads to a toxic destination more often. It is a difficult phase for both of the partners because they feel like walking on eggshells. Dealing with your child can be difficult in situations like these, and coping with a stepchild is no less than a nightmare.
It is hard for you to gain their trust and respect as they might be rebellious and do not want to invest in this new dynamic. They might undermine your authority for multiple reasons, making you feel alienated in your own home. However, even after trying the co-parenting method, it’s beneficial to leave if they do not cooperate.
Stepchild Makes You Feel Unsafe
Adult and teenage stepchildren are usually very rebellious and problematic as compared to the younger ones. They are in control of their actions and can make you feel like hell. They might hurt or threaten you even though they are very well aware of the activities they perform. They deal with stress, panic, and too many emotions, which causes these volatile reactions.
However, this reason is not enough to justify their actions as it affects your mental and physical health. You feel unsafe and afraid even in your own house, which is enough to decide your future. It is best to call it off rather than live in this constant fear for the rest of your life.
Ways to Handle
As you know all the signs one might observe before leaving, it’s time to shed some light on the things that make the situation worse when living in a dysfunctional family. The problems stated above are enough for you to step out. Some of the do’s and don’ts can be followed if you are willing to give it another try. The remedies for these problems are stated below to manage these conflicts.
Understanding the Difference
Stepping into a blended family is not the same as entering the regular family system. People might view it as usual and easy, but it is quite different in real life. Much tension is bubbling below the surface as you may not know what your stepchild thinks of you. They compare you with their biological parents, people to whom they were close, and see you as an intruder who entered their family.
It’s essential to talk with the children and your partner and address all the issues and concerns they might have related to you. Assure them that you will always love and respect them as their parents and will never discriminate. They got your support in whatever they want to do in life.
Understanding the situation from the child’s perspective is very important as they might be sensitive but shy enough to speak or share their feelings. Downplaying yourself can be very difficult, but patience is all you need in situations like these. There are high chances you might be successful and earn joy and privilege.
Communication With Your Spouse
The relationship between you and your partner should be rock solid. Having them against you is one of the difficult things, and it is very much essential to get them on your side. Mutual understanding is necessary to overcome other problems in life. Once you both are good with each other, try to communicate about every issue that affects the environment of the house.
In case your stepchild lies to your spouse about you, they should come and communicate and listen to your side of the story as well rather than straight away blaming you. Open and honest conversations are the only solution to end the distrust and misunderstanding in any relationship. After clearing all the misconceptions, the child should be addressed regarding all the issues and concerns.
Self-analysis or introspection is critical in situations like these. What people think and portray might differ from how they feel. It is not necessary that you are always right and the other person is always wrong. You sometimes might be very controlling and over-concerned, which might make your stepchild feel as if you’re not giving them enough space. At times, it is also possible that both of you have different ways of living.
Analyze yourself and look at the things you do and if they need a little bit of adjusting. If you cannot figure it out, you can seek help from a professional therapist who can help you take the criticism as an excellent way to improve yourself rather than getting offended. It is a sign of a bigger person to improve at every stage of life to get better and thank people who pin-point them in a good way.
When should you walk away from a blended family?
There are many reasons to walk away from a blended family. If one of the partners cannot get over the past relationships or the stepchildren, do not accept them. Unwillingness to sort things out and lack of communication also leads to quitting.
Is it normal to resent stepchildren?
It is normal to resent stepchildren to some extent but doing that without any reason does not make sense. If you cannot love them as your kids, you can at least respect them as your partner’s children or human beings.
Who comes first in a blended family?
Blended families are not considered ordinary families, and spouses are the only ties that bring the two families together. If both people decide to get separated, the families fall apart and live independently like they used to.
Is step parenting harder than parenting?
Yes, step-parenting is more demanding than parenting because living in a new environment with individuals other than your children can be very difficult. The expectations are very high when you enter the blended family system.
Communication is the key in every family as it keeps all the members connected. Even if you live in a blended family system with your stepchildren, expressing your thoughts and concerns can be very helpful. But if the situation gets worse or things do not improve, you are free to move out. There is no shame in leaving to prioritize your physical and mental health. It is essential to keep yourself sane.