All of us would like to be great parents. We try our best to not hurt our children but sometimes we can be hurting them while being totally unaware. Here are 8 things parents often do that hurt their children.
Things Parents do that Hurt Their Children
1. Labeling Your Child
In our present society, people are constantly being labeled. It’s important to not label your children because if you do you are locking them down to a specific task they must complete. For example, if you label your child as an athlete he/she will constantly be put under stress in order to live up to your label. When you label children you are indirectly telling them your high expectations from them.
2. Comparing Your Children to Your Children
This is something I lived with while growing up. Parents who have 2 or more kids often compare their children to each other. When you compare your children you are bragging about one and shaming the other. This can destroy their sibling relationship and you will teach them to always compare to others.
3. Over Expressing Your Disappointment
Sometimes your children will mess up and you should be there to support them. Sure you might be disappointed but you must also keep in mind that they are also disappointed. You telling then that they’re a disappointment will only add more pressure. Instead, you should help them improve and give them words of encouragement.
4. Giving Constructive Feedback
This one applies to younger children. Young children are supposed to learn by doing, not learn by you telling them exactly what they did wrong. When you constructively critic them they will get overwhelmed and lose self-esteem. Children aren’t adults so they won’t get any motivation from your feedback. Ask them what they did wrong and let them give feedback for themselves.
5. Using Your Children to Vent Out
I know life can get very stressful and sometimes you just lose it. But taking your frustration on your children is not an excuse. Your children are your treasures of gold and they don’t deserve to be treated like garbage. Always show your children unconditional love and encourage them.
6. Threatening to leave them somewhere
When a kid’s throwing an epic tantrum in a public place, a parent might be tempted to use an old threat: If you don’t come with me right now, I’m leaving you here. I don’t advise this tactic because it can make children terrified.
Threatening a child can be very scary because kids count on adults to keep them safe. The idea that a parent would actually leave goes right to the core of what children need — to know that their parents are still going to help them.
7. Isolating Their Emotions
There are a few different things you can say that will leave your child hurt. “I’m done with you” is a common phrase to escape a frustrated parents lips. However, it’s a very hurtful phrase that isolates your child. When you isolate your child’s emotions, you distance them from you. You make them feel as though they don’t have your support. They don’t have your love. You aren’t proud of them in any way. All of this will lead to your child acting out. In fact, they will get worse and worse. Instead, when you’re that frustrated, follow one of the steps below to regain your composure. You always want your child to feel like they can come to you.
8. You use insulting names
Insulting your children by calling them lazy, no good, worthless, can cut to the heart. Examine yourself and see if you are insulting them when you reprimand your children. If so, stop it! It hurts them far more than you may realize. It won’t inspire them to be better. If anything, it will have the opposite effect.